12/03/2024
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In an alternate universe where the stakes of every election are dialed up to eleven, let’s consider what might have happened if Trump hadn’t secured a win. Rumor has it (according to absolutely nobody reliable) that a swath of die-hard MAGA followers, unable to bear a world without their leader, might have staged a grand, dramatic farewell from the political stage… for good.

Picture this: thousands of flag-waving loyalists declaring one last stand, complete with red caps, bullhorns, and all the enthusiasm of a high school pep rally in the final seconds of the fourth quarter. They’d be ready to perform their final act of allegiance, leaving behind a legacy of “Remember Us” bumper stickers and deeply unsettling Facebook posts.

But luckily, in this fictitious scenario, we were spared. Trump’s victory has prevented this imaginary, apocalyptic event, keeping all members of this hypothetical MAGA movement right where they belong: in line for coffee, at the latest rally, and keeping meme-makers employed.

Of course, this is all in good parody – a playful “what-if” for the absurdly devoted. In reality, politics can be divisive, and satire like this reminds us that while passions run deep, it’s best to keep the stakes grounded in what we can change, here and now.